Running From ..... Running Towards

I never was a runner before, and I'm not sure I can technically call myself a "runner" now, but I like it.  (Shhh... kinda a lot)

I had to move my runs indoors a while back.  We got some snow here in the Treasure Valley and it got really cold.  See now a real runner would be out in that stuff.  Not me.  I moved my operation inside to the Y and have been hitting the treadmill.  Running on a treadmill is different, yea I get that, but it's better than not running at all so let's just move on okay.

I used to think that running at the gym would be easier.  If for no other reason than I wouldn't want to get on the tready, run for 3 minutes and then stop with all those people watching me. Gasp!! To be so out of shape.  Well first, I no longer am under the impression that anyone is watching, nor cares and secondly, I think running on the tready is hard.  It's hard to focus my mind.  I get on the same machine everyday so that I'm positioned just under the two tv's that have on Fox News and the Food Network.  I plug in the "rappod" and read either the news or whatever cooking show is on at the time.  And my mind still wonders.

In a class @ BSU I was once asked to do about ten minutes of stream of consciousness writing.  It was goofy the things that popped into my mind.  How totally different one thought was from the one that followed it.  Running is like this, only I run for 55 min+/- so there is a lot of time for a lot of thought.  Yesterday I was thinking about this blog and how I was going to contribute to it.  "Would I be interesting?"  "Add lots of photos!!!"  "Will it ever have more than 1 follower?"  .......  "Why am I running?"  

Some people love to run, and others don't.  I can't say that I love running in and of itself, but what occurred to me yesterday is the stuff falling in love is built on!  Do I hope to get healthier and hotter?  Duh the blog isn't called Legion for no damn reason.  But it's deeper than that and reader(all 2 of you) strap on that oxy tank cause we're about to dive deep.  How deep?  Real deep. (Ry shout out) I realized that I'm running for myself, for a different type of "health".  I'm running away from old resentments, and past mistakes.  I'm going to leave old offenses in my dust.  I'm gonna run away from the cynical me, that saw just about everything through a negative eye.  I am choosing to run to fill up some time rather than pollute my body and mind with old habits.  I want to run away from the person, that despite being told over and over again how pretty she is, can't see it.  I am running towards peace of mind.  Towards a goal of, most importantly, self acceptance.  I'm running towards a more confident me.  Running to obtain a body I don't really have to worry about.  Running into a life where exactly what happens is what I choose.  I'm running to have 1 hour a day to myself to think about and remind myself of the things that are important to ME.

I was told once that I was "running away" .... guess what, now I AM.  and I'm running towards something as well.